Cheesecake In Space #1
Duncan Ringill

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My EVE experience has always been about the pretty.  From hulls to starscapes, I want to see, feel and smell the game’s textures.  I’ve called EVE space opera, and nowhere is this more obvious than in its primitive astrophysics, which takes Newton and stuffs his laws of motion where the lens flares don’t shine.  Planets and moons hang there like toys, but toys rendered in precise detail.  The nebulae overpower objects that in a real universe would be much brighter.  Some planets appear only indirectly lit by their stars.

I thought I’d dig out screenshots from my past, so let’s start this show with the very first one in my current computer.  Two years ago, I was still pretty new in New Eden.  I was just learning combat, and as Duncan I was training up some industrial hauling skills to supplement our mining.  Here’s Suz bringing a POS online while I arrive with a load of fuel.  Did you know that the Mammoth is camouflaged for Min-space?  Neither did I.

Barbie’s Dream Station
Duncan Ringill

New Eden Store

Duncan is going Commando in the latest trim and sexy pant from the New EdenTM collection. Whether it’s walking across your Captain’s Quarters, or out to the edge of your Captain’s Quarters, all eyes will be on you–because yours are the only eyes!  Singularity’s New Eden Store is your destination for this season’s chic apparel you can’t afford for occasions you can’t actually attend.  For the capsuleer on the go looking to impress himself or anyone else who happens to click on Show Info, New EdenWearTM has the look you won’t want to miss, unless you need better client performance..

CONCORD as a Capsuleer Career, pt. 2
Duncan Ringill

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#PIIRS LOW-SPECTRUM COMM SCAN LOG YC117.05.28//18:09:22.387   

[CONCORD intercept-decrypt transcription]

{attrib uncert} *#&%$)$*@){>#((“–the files directly to me, Sarge.”

SGT Bagler: “Sure, we’ve got the sniffer data. But how come we’re spooking after a rich wirehead who never stepped outside the law? Other than that dust-up in Jita, I mean; that was a stray shot. What gives, Lieutenant?”

LT Murray: “Recruiting. That simple.”

SGT Bagler: “An egger? We gotta take on an egger? What for, for how long, and for how much?”

LT Murray: “You don’t wanna know how much, but the force is paying, from right at the top. Because the Captain says so. You’ve got a Piirs problem, remember?”

SGT Bagler: “That’s my case. Mine.”

LT Murray: “It’s bigger than you. The buzz out in low says she’s running for Sansha now. They’ll be feeding her ammo, and crew, so who knows where she’ll pop up next?”

SGT Bagler: “I can get her.”

LT Murray: “Forget Piirs for one damned minute. This guy’s the real deal. Look at those numbers–and he’s been doing it freelance. He cleaned up the shipyards all by his own little self. The Captain wants a badge on him before he turns pirate, or worse. Think of the ISK he could be pulling down for the big corps. He likes this sector, or he wouldn’t keep coming back for our jobs. This egger can be the one to take down Piirs and make it hurt–blow all her pretty head-metal right the hell up, and not just the destroyer. So when she comes back, she doesn’t come back here.”

SGT Bagler: “C’mon, Lieutenant. We caught her once. We gave it a shot, but those damned eggs’ll slip right past you. We’ll get her, no doubt.”

LT Murray: “Cut it out. This is your new partner. Everything else–everything–is on hold until you make it official.”

SGT Bagler: “He’s a weird one. Never seems to leave his cabin. These snaps are him at the balcony, just staring at that cruiser. It’s like even when he’s here, he’s still out there. It’s like they ain’t even human. Him nor Piirs.”

LT Murray: “Well, the Captain says we gotta have him, and I agree. Make the approach yourself. Nothing subtle, or he won’t even look at the offer. This is his home, and it’s time he stopped pretending it’s not. He wants to fight for us, deep down, so we make it pay. Give him one of those Comets. Swear him in. That simple.”

SGT Bagler: “You are gonna owe me so many doughnuts it ain’t even#&*(%)#@^@)%$//////////}”&*)?@#!%%%

[CONCORD intercept-recrypt interrupt]

Discuss.

Behind The Mirror
Duncan Ringill

Your Captain’s Quarters are pretty, spacious and full of lovely detail.  They are not very functional, however, and one important room is obviously still hidden.  I believe that tucked away beyond the customization station must be another door, one that opens with a quiet swish, revealing the necessary and appropriately-designed facilities.

I give you…faction bathrooms:

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bathroomcaldari

bathroomgallente

bathroomminmatar

5.6 x 10^8 Channels And Nothing On
Duncan Ringill

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[power on][Heimatar regional feed engaged][personal filter 3 applied]

[click]”–so don’t be seen in anything less than a Fleet Stabber this year as you–”

[click]”–return to our story after these important mess–”

[personal filter 4 applied]

[click]”–concludes our broadcast of No Sex, Please, We’re Amarrian.  Stay synchronized as Old Earth Video Channel is proud to present the Caldari State Theater’s famed production of The Imperative of Being Earnest in Dealings With One’s Fellow Citizens, starring Valder Fylin as–”

[click]”–taking the stage now in the Boundless Creations Virtual Amphitorium are the founding members of Shield Warning, reunited for the first time since their final acoustibeat dazz release, “Don’t Go Cloning My Heart,” in the year–”

[click][sound and implanted sensation of refrigerated liquid in throat]”–Quafe.  Because anything else does not meet mandatory consumption quotas as established for the fiscal–”

[click][media consumption threshold reminder]”–period ending in three standard days, which according to your account record is still short four hundred fity ISK.  You will be debited for this amount in four standard days, plus an additional thirty ISK if this reminder is not allowed to compl–”

[click][click][click]”–don’t be seen in anything less than a Fleet Stabber this–”

[click][personal filter 8 engaged]”–you can put the pizza right on the table.  I’m sorry, but I don’t have any ISK for a tip.”

“I have an idea how you can tip me.  Take off your–”

[incoming priority comm]”Mister Ringill, you don’t know me but I represent the estate of Rollan Gevigan, an important industrialist who recently passed away.  His will authorizes me to release to you funds totaling slightly over 35 million ISK.  Due to changes in Minmatar customs law, we require you to–”

[click][delete priority comm]”–less than a Fleet–”

[click]”–than a Fleet Stabber this–”

[click][click][click][personal filter 4 engaged]”–think that is rather mean of you, Earnest, and not at all becoming of a citizen of the State.  It is absurd not to have a hard and fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn’t.”

“I am quite aware of the fact, and I don’t propose to disagree with accepted notions of modern culture. It isn’t the sort of thing one should talk of in private. I simply want my stimuspersant case back.

“Yes; but this isn’t your stimuspersant case. This stimuspersant case is a present from a citizen of the name of Cecily, and you said you didn’t know any one of that name.”

“Well, if you want to know, Cecily happens to be crech-mate to my creche-mother.”

[click][Heimatar regional feed disengaged][hangar open]